Lean on Me
by Hecate18
Summary: 50 years after he leaves with the dragon, Goku comes back to learn that his absence has caused too much pain.


**Lean on Me**

**A/n- Set 50 years after Goku left with the dragon in GT. I had to workout the ages so they may be a little wrong but it shouldn't matter.  
Oh yeah and Vegeta never cut his hair… (Not that it relevant to the fic Oo)**

**BTW, in case anyone is wondering, This is not a song fic, just named after the song... so um… on with the fic! -**

**Warnings- YAOI! MPEG! (References to incest) Later chaps, LEMON.  
Rated NY17**

**Disclaimer (for whole fic!)- I don't own DBZ or GT…**

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Goku shot upwards, panting heavily from a nightmare as rivets of sweat streamed rapidly down his face and his heart felt like it was about to burst from his chest. 

He looked to his side quickly to see if he had woken Chi-chi, but she appeared to be deep in sleep, slightly curled on her side and her breathing remained slow and steady. 

An affectionate smile graced Goku's lips as he gazed at his sleeping wife, it was these moments when he realised how much he loved her, despite all the times she scolded him for leaving her, or getting a job, raising their sons properly; she always took him back with open arms and made him feel needed and appreciated. 

He slid out of bed carefully, hovered slightly so he didn't make the floorboards creek. He floated towards the door opened it quietly and slipped out without a sound, then he descended on the polished wooden floor, relishing in the feel of the coolness on his bare feet. He wriggled his toes and stretched his unused muscles as they protested painfully but he always felt better after a good stretch. 

Goten's bedroom door was slightly ajar, so curiously he headed towards the room. ever since the boy had gotten his own bedroom he had always kept the door closed, silently declaring that he had no fear of the dark; although it was at first all show, it had grown to be a habit.  
He opened the door fully and peeked inside, he suppressed a chuckle when he saw his 17 year old son sprawled out on the bed with his mouth wide open snoring so loudly that he was surprised he and Chi-chi couldn't hear the snoring from their room. 

The boy still had all his clothing and one of his shoes on, the other shoe lay near Goku's foot.  
He sighed, knew Goten must've snuck out with Trunks again, but decided to leave it until morning to confront the boy; he didn't have the heart to wake him. Instead he bent to pick up the stray shoe, silently wondering how the boy had managed to take one shoe off and not the other before collapsing into sleep… teenagers!?! 

He straightened, still looking at the shoe, remembered them buying these while on a family shopping trip at the mall, it had been difficult trying to persuade Chi-chi to get the shoes on Goten's behalf, but in the end they were triumphant, Chi-chi had still insisted on getting some proper shoes for Goten to go to school with; he figured Goten must've ki-blasted them because he hasn't seen them since. 

_They had bumped into Bulma and a very grumpy looking Trunks there, but his face soon lit up as soon as he caught sight of Goten, those two were inseparable. He had begged Chi-chi to let him go hunt down Vegeta who Bulma said had disappeared when she went to pick out clothes for him. Chi-chi had reluctantly agreed scowling at him crossly, but before he ran off she had grabbed hold of his arm and stuffed a few notes of money in his pocket then winked at him telling him not to be too late home._ He wiped the tears from his eyes with his free hand, his other hand still held the now old and tattered shoe; he refused to look at the bed knowing his son was not there. It had taken him much longer to snap out of his reverie this time.  
Those had been the best times of his life, memories were the only things that kept him going, memories were all he had left. 

The shoe dropped to the floor causing a flurry of dust particles to rise off the once immaculate floor, the small domed house had not been lived in for about 20 years, until three days ago. Goku took a few deep breaths, willing himself to hold back tears, he had never in his life cried before and now for the past 3 days he had been sobbing like a baby, even in his sleep. 

The room was exited as silently as it was entered, this time he remembered to close the door. He closed his eyes tightly and clenched his fists, _there was no reason for him to come back, they didn't need him, didn't want him!_ Eyes slowly slid open shimmering with unshed tears and radiating loneliness, he took a hesitant step forward, then without warning he broke into a run, searching for a way out, an exit. But he knew there was only one escape, one that he could never allow himself to take, no matter how tempting it sounded; settled with getting away from the house, perhaps the world if he had the strength, not physically though, never physically. 

He found himself thinking that they may still need him, that he couldn't abandon them again. But they didn't know him anymore and he likewise didn't know them. They were not the 'gang' who depended on him, **who loved him**. He was a shadow, not forgotten but remembered only in stories; _Goku earth's saviour_. The door was nearly ripped off its hinges as Goku bound through, he thought about what Chi-chi would do if she were here and smiled, but then he realised if Chi-chi were here he would not be running off in the middle of the night like a lunatic, thinking thoughts of suicide or genocide; he wasn't sure which. 

He knew he would never harm anyone without good reason, but it didn't stop him from thinking it; if the world ended with him no enemies could attack it! _He had come home to the house he had lived in since he had married Chi-chi, the house his sons had grown up in expecting a warm welcome. He had not known how long he had been gone, with Shenron time had not existed, but he had suspected Chi-chi may have passed away.  
He had entered the house only to find it empty and unused, he hadn't thought much on it at the time; instead he had used his senses to track down the ki's of his friends and family. _

The closest energy he found was his youngest son Goten's, he could feel quite high ki signatures near his son and guessed they might have been his family, this filled him with pride and joy and he burst into the air quickly, suppressing his ki so he could surprise them. 

He reached there in record time, landing in front of a moderately large dome shaped house, it looked like a modern design of a capsule home, with several separate units, but above all, it radiated homeliness. 

He walked to the door and let his energy go back to its normal level, before he had the chance to knock he heard something smash from the inside of the house; this was when the first batch of nervousness hit him. 

He could remember every word Goten had said to him, the inquisitive looks he had gotten from the man's family, but most of all the look in Goten's eyes when he saw him, that look he would never forget. never. 

His mind kept relapsing what happened over and over again, almost as if he was watching himself. He could pick out all the mistakes he made, note all the things he should have said. 

_The door was swung open and he was met with a slightly older version of his son, his first thoughts had been **not much time has past then**, but when he saw the faces behind his son he knew he had been gone a long while. He smiled lovingly completely missing the look on his son's face and moved to hug him, Goten jerked back as if burned and stared at his father in horror.  
And that was where things went wrong; when he found out he was hated. His youngest son's eyes held disgust and disappointment!_

From the first time he had met Goten, that little boy hiding behind his mother's leg, the boy had worshiped him, never thinking or feeling anything negative towards his beloved father. From all the enemies he had fought in his lifetime never had any one ever held **that** feeling towards him, even Vegeta had never felt disappointed by him, hatred, betrayal, anger, yes but never disappointment. 

And that was Goku's pathetic excuse to why he didn't go and visit the Saiyan Prince, his oldest comrade that remained living. Fear! Fear that he'll be disappointed too; fear that he'll turn his back on him. That was his reason not to go and visit any of his family. 

They knew he was back, 3 days and not a word from anyone, that was proof enough to him that he was not wanted; that he should remain a shadow and slowly fade away into nothingness. 

But his will still remained and he knew he would overcome his fears and travel the short distances to visit his family and friends. But he also knew that although his determination was strong, he would be crushed by another rejection.  
He quickly snapped out of his thoughts when he felt the ground heating beneath his bare feet, he had been unconsciously powering up.  
From the landscape around him he could tell he'd been powering up for a while, if the fallen trees and scorched ground was proof enough. 

He let go of his power all at once and fell to his knees, he did not yet know the extent of his power, since he had merged with Shenron his ki had changed but he didn't know what other attributes had come with the union.  
The Dragonballs were still not active, not unless he wanted them to be, Shenron had told him he would know the right time to activate them.  
It was funny, he didn't even _know_ where he was! 

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He was woken abruptly when he felt a harsh kick to his side, but he didn't remember falling asleep. He turned lazily so he now lay on his back and opened his eyes slowly letting them adjust to the bright morning light. 

"Get up _Dad_!" 

He had immediately known the voice belonged to his eldest son; there was a bitter scorn to that voice, the same tone that was used by his youngest. The man's face had not changed much, if at all, time seemed to have defined his features. Goku could spot a grey hair or two amongst the black spikes of his son's hair but he knew it was something only Saiyan eyes could spy. He deliberately refused to meet the Gohan's eyes, something he found he was not good at. 

Goku slowly clambered to his feet and suppressed a stretch, he felt strangely refreshed, considering he'd just spent the night sleeping on the scorched remnants of a forest floor. He kept his eyes to the ground, waiting for the demi-Saiyan to speak first. He was trying not to shiver as he felt the cold eyes of his son watching him. 

"Why have you come back dad? Did Shenron get bored of you?" Never in his life had his eldest son spoken to him in this manner and tone; Goku was left quite speechless. The sentence had hurt him more then he let on and he found himself wondering why in fact had Shenron let him go. 

"What's this dad… you've got nothing to say! No _hi Gohan how has your life been in the past **50** years_!" The full-blooded Saiyan stumbled back a few feet, not just from the aggressive tone his son used, but the harsh reality of what he said. _Had he really been gone for **50** years?_

He heard a sharp intake of breath from Gohan and a sound that sounded disturbingly like a stifled sob. "Y…you think we would just take you back with open arms! A…after you abandon us…abandon Mum again!" Tears streamed down the demi-Saiyan's face as he struggled to form words, his face had reddened with anger and his teeth were clenched tightly. 

"God! And she loved you…she loved you until the very end!" 

The sentence hit Goku like a ki blast, but he held in the sobs the best he could, he could never allow his son to see his tears. The pain so strong that unknown to Goku the tears did escape, rolling down his cheeks in streams and falling to the scorched earth. "I couldn't come back… you know that Gohan." 

A haughty laugh escaped the demi-Saiyan, making him look almost surreal with the large tears rolling down his face; only those with a quick eye could have glimpsed the faintest sparkle of teal in the rage filled eyes. "Oh the amounts of times I've heard you say that! You don't realise that it's not ok now! That your actions caused others pain!"  
Gohan paused; a distant look came upon his face and a whimper escaped him. "She died because of you…" It was a quiet whisper as if saying it only to himself, a cruel smile spread across his lips and he moved so close to Goku they were almost touching.  
"We had to lie to our mother on her deathbed! We tricked her, manipulating her already deluded mind! She didn't want to die without you." 

Gohan grimaced, remembering how it had been, the haunted look in his younger brothers eyes that still remained after all these years, he still didn't know what had been said, done, his brother refused to talk about it. 

Chi-chi had called for him, ever since her stroke she had continued to use that name for her youngest son. 

They couldn't refuse her, they couldn't let her die knowing the truth. The doctors had said she was very weak, and any more shock or stress could cause her heart to fail. They weren't prepared to be the cause of their mother's death, they would leave that to _him_. 

This call was different; they had known what it meant. Gohan had quickly called family and friends, so they could say they're goodbyes. 

His mother had requested that she die in her home, with her husband and 'son'. They had all know it was wrong, to lie to her. But she needed it, she had already had two stokes; the second one had left her confused, missing parts of her memory, and also limited her movement. 

Goten had begun answering to Goku's name when she called, by that time it had gotten so bad that she called Bulma often asking if her husband was sparring with Vegeta. They all lied; no one wanting to be responsible for her death. 

Friends and family came, saying their goodbyes hurriedly. Finally Gohan stepped into the room, that had to be the hardest moment of his life, his mother had stared up at him, her eyes wide and shiny and she had told him to look after his father, to make sure he visit the man regularly. How much he had wanted to tell her just how often 'earths hero' visited. 

He had held her, burying his face in her shoulder mumbling how sorry he was, she had just shushed him while stroking his hair, finally kissing his cheeks and asking him to send in 'Goku.' 

He watched from outside the bedroom as his mother and Goten kissed, he turned his head away sharply ashamed that he let his little brother do this. 

Words were said, hushed words he couldn't hear.  
And finally Goten stood and headed towards the door. 

A tear streaked down the younger man's cheek, but the eyes refused to meet his. Slowly but surely the bedroom door was closed. Shutting him out. 

She had died. 

Goten had opened the door and stepped out of the room, he had a look in his eyes that still remained to this day.  
The younger man had hiccupped, holding in a flood of tears and stared a Gohan in horror. 

His brother's trembling knees hit the floor with a dull thud and he doubled over vomiting until he was dry heaving.  
He stood on shaky legs, refusing any help, and said in a monotone voice that he would clean up. 

Gohan looked at his father, chasing his memories away; his younger brother did hold a strong resemblance to this man; almost uncanny. If the day came that his brother ever wanted to talk about what happened, he didn't think he would want to hear.  
He would prefer not knowing. 

Or pretending not to know. 

The man in front of him was the cause of all of this! He had come back expecting to be so easily forgiven, this time was different. Everyone was dead, and those who remained had grown tired of waiting. 

Bulma had died not long after his mother, she and her family had come to Chi-chi's funeral but after that he didn't see her again. 

He hadn't even known she was sick, but Gohan had the slightest suspicion that she hadn't been. 

There had been no funeral, or not one they were invited to, the public hadn't even known until a week later; when Trunks announced his full ownership of Capsule Corporation. 

Trunks too had changed, become the embodiment of his father. 'Ruled with an iron fist' as Pan liked to joke.  
But it wasn't a joke. Vegeta wasn't a joke. It seemed to be true that Bulma had tamed the savage beast… but now she was gone. 

The bold letters of **CAPSULE CORP. MASSACRE** entered his thoughts; it had been all over the news. The memory of how Trunks had covered up the gory details, lying to the crowd with such ease. 

He quickly shrugged the thought away because to be honest it scared him! 

Glaring at the man before him, he felt his power build, clouding his vision; how dare he come back now! How dare he go near his little brother!  
"Leave Goten alone, he doesn't want you near him… don't you ever go near my little brother!" Then he shot off into the sky, before he did something he'd regret.

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**So… what do ya think??? Please leave your comments! **


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